I hope you are having a wonderful weekend so far. My advice for this week is all about living together with your boyfriend or girlfriend before marriage. I hope this helps someone
Yes I know, you aren’t supposed to live together before marriage. If I could get paid for the amount of times I’ve read and heard that phrase I’d be rich! As popular as this statement may be it just doesn’t work for everyone. This is my honest opinion on why living together worked for us prior to being married. It comes down to weighing the pros and cons and choosing what works best for you as a couple.
First I have to say, this is a decision for once you are at a point in life to live on your own. I wouldn’t recommend moving in with anyone as a teenager or even if you are still in college. You want to make sure that you are absolutely ready for that type of commitment, because it’s a huge one. If you ever feel like you are pressured into this decision it’s probably not the right time. You have to feel 100% comfortable with doing this and be able to handle what comes with it.
Here is my story:
So me and my boyfriend (now fiance) Evan moved in together in May of 2015. I was looking to find my own place which ended in a disaster…a story for another time 🙂
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to move in with him only because I always pictured myself having my own place first. While this is definitely something that could have happened it started to become more of a stretch. The place I had lined up was going to be an amazing deal! And everything else was just SO expensive. After much deliberation we decided to move into a two bedroom apartment. I feel like I made the right decision and here is why:
- It just made sense – We were already seeing each other so much anyway. I was always at his place and visa versa. We spent a ton of time together. Having two separate places just seemed to make no sense when I really thought about it.
- No surprises – Living with Evan before we got engaged and now before we are getting married opened us up to each other. Living with someone and just dating them are two completely different things. We’re getting a sense how each other operates so there are no surprises and we know what we are going to get. Neither of us are neat freaks however, I care a lot more about certain cleaning tasks than he does. It has taught us to work together and compromise which has only made us stronger.
- A Better Me – I feel like I have honesty become a better person. Living with Evan forces me to compromise so much. It opens me up to learning to deal with situations and not get upset over small things. Holding on to grudges is never good and I am guilty of that in past relationships. Living with my boyfriend made it hard to do that with him being right there. Overall, I think that is a great character trait to have.
- New Ways – We both grew up in very different situations and naturally we bring that to the table. The way I wash white clothes was different from him. The way he cleans dishes is different from me. And the way we were raised is different. A lot of the things that we originally brought to the table have become new ways of doing things. We now have our own process for the way things are done and how it works for us. New ways can open you up to change and alter your perspective which can be very eye opening.
- Love More – I think the best part of it all is I get to see him everyday. He is my best friend and to have him there is such a wonderful feeling. When I’m happy, sad, angry, whatever the case I know he will be right there. It has made me love and cherish him even more.
Moving in with someone is a huge decision and it may not always work out. But you have to do what works for you. People will have their opinions but they aren’t living your life for you. No matter what just do what makes you happy and will give you the best possible outcome for your relationship. Looking back I can honestly say there is no way I could marry someone without living with them first. It just comes with too much newness and surprises that could compromise the relationship if you didn’t see it coming. Not everyone will agree and that is ok…I am 100% comfortable in my decision. If you are struggling with this just seriously weigh out the pros and cons. The right choice will come to you in time, just make sure it is truly what is best for you.